For those of you who don’t know my dad lost an 30 month battle with lung cancer a fortnight ago. Whilst obviously a sad time, I am taking the opportunity to look forward and make sure that I learn lessons from the time I have spent with him rather than dwelling on the past.
First lesson: Don’t smoke! 😉
Having smoked pipes and cigars since he was 13 or so, my dad was never the healthiest soul. I do have memories of him running fun runs as a child, and he was active at school refereeing football matches etc. But watching someone go through what my dad went through during his illness brings it home. Having smoked myself for the best part of 10 years, I know what its like, and I also know how hard it is to quit, and that’s something I have to make sure I stick to not only for my own sake, but for the sake of my family also.
Second lesson: Nothing is ever too challenging.
As my brother alluded to in church, my dad always had a can do attitude and never really considered any challenge too difficult. One day he decided that with no real musical background he was going to learn the saxophone, and learn the saxophone he did. Grade 1 passed, then on to grade 2 to most peoples amazement, and astonishingly all the way up to grade 5. He also decided to play some cricket, he will admit he was never very good, but that wouldn’t deter him and when the cricket club was stumbling as an organisation he stepped in and took over the role of chairman and helped the juniors survive when no other parents wanted to help out.
Personally I think this is a trait I’ve inherited and utilised for a long time, I can’t program to a high standard, didn’t stop me starting PAT/Saiku. I’m now getting involved in local community projects, organising the local village website, and trying to step into my dads shoes and start a local cricket team, I’m no good at cricket either.
Third Lesson: Make time for yourself and your family
Whilst my dad always kept himself busy he did make sure he kept time free, in the evenings he might mark some books but that was mostly done with the family sat around the TV. Over the weekend before we left to go to uni we’d often go and do stuff together as a family and once I reached 18 it was always a great pleasure to go down the pub and chat nonsense over a pint of “maidens water”. Our family holidays were also great fun, down to Southwold over Christmas or to Cornwall or Northumberland in the summer, as crazy as they were with 4 children, they will always be a time I reflect on fondly, and I hope that as Harriet my daughter grows up, as embarrassing as her dad will be, she will look on her childhood with similar pleasure when I am an old man.
Fourth lesson: Plan for the future
Even after my dad was diagnosed with brain tumours and prostate cancer, he didn’t stop planning for the next week, the next month. My mum says thats part of what kept him going for so long, and I tend to agree. He had no desire to give up the fight and was constantly asking how us kids were doing and sorting stuff out for us. Even during his last stay in hospital he was planning trips away with my mum. That drive and determination to see the following day I think helped him go on as long as he did against such high odds.
I will always miss my dad, he will leave a hole that can never be replaced. But I don’t look upon this time with sadness instead I look at the positives that his life has brought not just to me but to everyone he worked with and knew on both a professional and personal basis.
On another note, I would just like to take this opportunity to thank everyone who has offered their condolences over the last couple of weeks. I know I’ve ignored most of you, not because I wanted to but mostly because I don’t know how really to respond to such a tweet, email or note. Apart from to say, thanks.
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